I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
