Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
