I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
sex in a hospital.. check
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
