The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
