she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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