I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
