So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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