Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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