just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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