Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
