Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
