I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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