It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
