apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
