for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
