did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
