Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
