all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
