im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize