Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
