We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
