I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugly people sure do ruin things
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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