i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
