We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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