Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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