Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I think I sprained my soul last night
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
