I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
