he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
