I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
