I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
