ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
