I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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