Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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