I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
My feet surprised me
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