You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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