First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
