I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i dont even know how to be here
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
