I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Everyone says I win the strip club
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
