im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
