how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I touched a dick in church today
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
