I'm laying in your front yard are you home
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
