I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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