i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
