Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
