this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
