I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
