Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
