She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
