when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
