what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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