it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
