The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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