help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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