ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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