Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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