can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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