I just saw a hot homeless man
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
