i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
