I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
