In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Randomize
