She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
