I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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