remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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