i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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