her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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