Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
