when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
