So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
