you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
nutella sex= disaster
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
