you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
